It's been a while since my last update. Life has been so so crazy, I couldn't even describe it!!. I've started working as a Product Specialist selling drugs in a Pharma company. It's definitely much much ..MUCH difficult than I thought, coping with the working world. In fact, there's so many rules and so much to learn, I somehow at some point, started to doubt myself if I really can really survive in my job?.Well, I'm not gonna start giving up and I'm not gonna stop trying and learning. Not gonna talk much about it ( I'm not allowed to,anyway =.=')..So ya, I LOVE MY JOB, I LOVE MY JOB, I LOVE MY JOB!!...
There's also a lot of ups and downs these past few months... Honestly, it's really really stressful and tiring. But what can I say, my "Fake a smile" technique is improving day by day. I cried a lot and got very emotional because of that. Great thing is, lucky I got my lovely friends to always be there for me, support and care for me! And also my step father, the thing he did for my broken family, I owe him so much that I don't even know how to pay him!. Bro and mom, well, we have our way to love each other~
Chaos in family..I somehow wondered, the word RELATIONSHIP and LOVE, to me is so....Weird???..I don't know.
Being in my shoe, it's weird to see how couples can get so madly in love, one moment they enjoy being together so much, they make a vow that sounds so blissful - "till death do us part", had children and stuff..but at last, they end up realizing that they actually hate each other so much and they somewhat thought that being together and giving birth to the children was a huge mistake. That's shitty!
It makes me take a few steps back when it comes to relationship, be it as couples, as family or what so ever. And honestly, in my heart, there are some missing pieces~ and more has been taken away.
I'm writing this while talking to my mom on the phone, She's getting emotional talking about my "biological" father that seems so "artificial" to me. Getting more and more "artificial". Me being the intermediate between my parents who hates each other so much, it makes me lost hope and faith and I begin to question myself, what more could I believe and rely on?
All in all, I'm just a simple girl who always get caught up in messed up situations and complicated life. Been having a really hard and painful time, and I'm not trying to get emotional or being pitiful. I'm writing this is just for the sake of throwing something out of my chest.
Well, what can I do to make things right??..My bro told me one thing this morning, "I'm fuckin tired trying to fix our family". I was thinking, that's exactly how I felt for a long time ago!..Like him, I am now still finding my way out from all the screaming and tears. And hopefully I will find that bright rennbowy way.If u ask me what's the thing that I will change in my life if I were given a chance, well, for now, I will said none!. It's true, you can't choose your family, and I'm not gonna start choosing. It's them who create the ME now, and it's them who gave me my life that I'm living now. Guess every family have their own story, I'm having mine in a different way~ I'm taking it this way- The pain, it's not enough to kill me, it only makes me stronger~
Hmmm..Enough of the stories. Else it'll go on and on and on until forever~
Verdict- I'm RENN, like the name, my life it full of down pour "RAIN", like the name, I do believe someday my RENNBOW will appear with extra glittery colour!~
More updates next post guys...It's great to be back!..XoXo
A Graceful Afternoon in Kyoto City
1 month ago
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