Do u believe in LUCK??..how about FATE??..or was it just COINCIDENCE??..
All I know is, this so call BAD LUCK, love me so much, it followed me for months, causing a lot of problems in my life!
At first I was not a believer in these things...I am a Buddhist but i acted more like a free thinker..life was carefree for me since the last argument between mom and dad...until 1 day, suddenly, some untold secrets were revealed and it triggered mom's anger!..there goes the war again and yes, u guess it right, i became the victim!..there, i am loosing my RED
Life were again upside down and I barely can breath when more and more things were revealed..both were throwing me on top of the chopping board..and i'm just struggling to run away...like what i've been doing all these years since divorcement when i was 10 yrs old...but through my experience for over a decade, i know i have no way out...and the only thing i can do to release some of the stress was to CRY OUT LOUD...and I did, the loudest ever...but no one knows...not a single soul knows deep down inside how deeply wounded I am...all the accuses and misunderstanding that comes back to me...all this while, I was so hurt and tired from it..body and soul!..
...I wasn't trying to make myself miserable and pathetic..don't get me wrong...I'm a fighter all this while...keeping myself as happy as i could and put a smile on my face as often as i could...but i guess fighters do have their weak time!..and i can feel my Orange is fading
I don't know whether I should relate this to my following unlucky incidence...I realised everytime when unlucky things happens, it sure starts with family argument..
Well, for this time, it followed by car breakdown!..ya, it's my beloved Red Devil Perodua Kancil, WEA7156...I was driving back to mom's place in Ampang...I made a quick stop at 7-Eleven, and suddenly I couldn't start my car already..I kept trying and trying but it was no use..end up waited for quite long..it was night time and i'm all alone there...i called for help, my car was sent into the workshop to fix the car battery... that day, my Yellow turned dirty
When my car was fixed, i thought everything was fine again..I told myself that i'll have a good start, again...but apparently, things didn't go the way i expected, my Sony Pink Camera T77 (a.k.a princess no. 2) and LG Pink ice cream hand phone (a.k.a princess no.3)..both spoil at the same time!..thanks to the stupid me buying a stupid pink strawberry milk and the stupid cap was spoilt..stupid me din realise and went and put it together in my handbag..when a realised the milk actually leaking out, it was already too late...both "PRINCESSES" were "MILK DAMAGED"..my reaction was like..O.o,WTF!!!!...Shit..!@#$%^$#@...then Haiz...
..and Green left me that night
Together with my Sony Ericsson W810, i sent them all to fix and at that point, i was hopelessly out of contact...luckily, AD knows about this and he offered to borrow a Nokia handphone to me...Awwww..my hero..
how sweet!...
At that point when i'm super down, his kindness sort of gave me some hope..maybe it sounds exagerating, but yeah, it did gave me a " at-least-someone-cares" feeling..also some of my friends and family (cousins) did sent me regards and comforting words.. Thanks so so so much..
I guess good things just can't happen to me, at the point when i got some kindness from people, something bad happened again!...my car,was jeopardized and i found a huge ass nail stuck in my back left tyre...my reaction was like 
..like giving u hope and taking it back...it was awful...knowing that Dad was totally helpless, i got to suck it up and fix things one at a time..starts from my flat tyre, i slowly drive to the workshop to fix it..the jeopardized car body, i got no choice but to close one eye...I can see Blue doesn't care either
Things doesn't end here, I lost my watch..it was a brand new (wear it for only 2 times) present from a friend..i was wearing it to the 3 on 3 B boy battle, it was on my wrist the whole night, but all of the sudden, it's gone!..how MAGICALLY these so call coincidence could happen in such a NICE flow..WTF!
Then, i got a phone call from the Nokia service centre, they told me that fixing my LG phone (i bought it for RM 730) will cost me RM 430!!..i'm like WTF, Again???..holy mother F!!!..i gave it up and have to purposely make a trip to Times Square to collect it...let's not mention the things I've gone through for sending those 3 items to fix..it was quite a story and again, painful!
The other day when i was in Ampang home, my table fan all of a sudden stopped functioning!!..I look at it...without any reaction, i continue reading my magazine..it's like i already predicted something will happen next..or something will spoil...that's why i'm not surprise at all..
At that point, I was thinking, what's next, what more bad things could possibly happen to me?..People who knows it ( AD, Fai, Yuf, RV..etc) keep telling me, after all these bad things, good luck will come...haha..guess i fall for it too soon..i guess not!!!..
Family problems got huge, I'm already like a minced meat on the chopping board, what more they want me to be??..Blend me into meat smoothie???..arghhhh!!.leave me alone!!!
I was totally breakdown at that moment, but i tried to cover it as much as i can..as all this while, I told myself to stay on the positive side...when i finally adapted to all these..Well, like i said, HE just wouldn't let me have a peaceful better life...
Dad had guests coming over to stay for 2 weekends and they slept in my room!..I had no choice but to move out temporary, yeah..HOMELESS...so, i moved back to Ampang..the other day i went back to Bangsar home to get something, i was in total shock to see my room was in a super shit condition, men's underwear was everywhere and all my stuff was packed and threw on top of the cupboard..i can't even find my stuff, it wasn't my room at all!!..feeling angry and disappointed, i went back to Ampang...
As i thought everything was in OK condition now...suddenly..new EXCITEMENT happened, on 9th Nov 2009..fucking black day..haiz..this is the time I figured Indigo was not shining anymore
Dad suddenly bang into my room at 4-5 am, complaining that he's not feeling well, i was so damn freak blur at that moment..seeing him like that, i asked him to go change and go to the hospital quickly!...guess he just have a way to sympathized himself...he was complaining and complaining but not making a move...i was worried to hell seeing his reaction and expression, but he just..argh..i don't know what the heck he wants..He pushed me to the limit and i was really fire at that time, i raised my voice and force him to go to the hospital..end up, doctor said it was just gastric..the way he acted when he was at home and infront of the doc was totally different..i suspected that he was DRAMA-ing in front if me..like he always does!!!..it wasn't the 1st time he doing all this, always make something big happen..i'm so tired of all this self sympathized and drama from my parents and i'm hyper tired at that moment!!!..LET ME LIVE PEACEFULLY!!!
That afternoon, dad called mom talking about MONEY (the root of devil)..and guess what?..mom called me and complained and scolded for freak long..there goes another battle between mom and dad!...dad was drama-ing again, he told mom that he had heart problem that morning he was in hospital with me!!!..i'm like THAT FREAK LIAR!!!!....that's the point when i proved that he was acting!!!!...i saw and heard that doc said his ECG result was normal...and he complain that he had a heart prob???..WTF??!!!!!..freaking liar!!..mom was scolding and cursing like there's no tomorrow, and me..ever gave up!!!
Best part is, earlier that day, i parked my car at Fai's studio...Around 5pm, i went back to studio to get my car...i was in total horror when i saw this!
My car was body was damaged!!..witnesses claimed that it was banged by a lorry, a Hit-and-Run case!...i dunno whether is it me who had all this so immune already...i couldn't give any reaction when i saw my car!..all i know is..i'm in deep shit now!..i can't even open my back seat door anymore!..all i can feel is,..total blur and empty and i don't even have the energy to scold and curse the driver!..Purple's lost too on that raining afternoon..shop keeper did get the lorry plate number for me...it was WLB 3596..if you ever saw this lorry on the road..be careful and show your middle finger to the driver for me plz!!
Mom and dad's matter getting bigger and bigger...it's really driving me crazy!!!!
For all these incidence happened to me these few weeks ago..i don't know why keep have a feeling that it soon will harm my body...i meant, all the things around me, material wise, were all spoilt..i guess soon will be myself being hurt...and i already do...very deeply hurt and wounded!!!
What a girl like me wants, what a girl like me needs????..all I'm asking for is just what ever makes me happy and sets me free..totally lost hope and sense of security..i felt really empty and i practically lost all my 7 colours!...
..at this point, i'm totally White out!
CAN YOU GIVE ME BACK MY FAITH, HOPE, and COLOURS???..
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